i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
