guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
