Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
