I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
