If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
