Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
