At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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