My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
