Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize