i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
