too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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