i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
