I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
