apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
