Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she told me i tasted like america
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
