dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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