capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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