Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
