I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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