what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
