Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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