i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
