it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
