***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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