if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
