Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize