I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
