she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
