come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
