Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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