Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
