You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
