these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
