i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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