sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
