Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize