im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
