Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
