Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
