Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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