I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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