i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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