It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
