there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize