It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
