just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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