I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
