So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Im part way to drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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