Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she told me i tasted like america
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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