Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize