he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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