sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
