I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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