3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
