is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need to calm my uterus...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
