We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
