Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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