When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
