I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
