We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
