the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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