My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
