That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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