I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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