arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
