Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
