apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
