I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
