I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there's paper in my vomit.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
