Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
