I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
