Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
