This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize