How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
