I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My legs feel like baby dolphins
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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