Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
