Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
