is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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