how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
