I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
