Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
