is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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