I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize