Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
