help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
