looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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