This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
