Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
