carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
