You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
