i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
