i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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