Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
